I wanted to take a moment to say that I will not be returning to host any Rocket League things this Fall, and to give a short message to the game’s community.

I write this blog as a means of honest, personal expression as it’s something I’ve historically struggled with a great deal. If something momentous happens in my life or I come to some personal realization I try to document my findings and how I feel about them here.

My time having the pleasure and honor of being host for CRL and Rival Series more than fits that description.

When I was first approached with the opportunity and idea of hosting CRL, I was nervous. I had never filled solely the host role before, and while I’ve played Rocket League I didn’t play Rocket League. I expect a certain level of performance and effort from myself in anything I do in esports, and the Rocket League community certainly deserves a certain level of performance so I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could best meet those expectations before agreeing to sign on.

I chose to turn a perceived weakness into a strength, and was thus given an opportunity to learn a lot about esports, humanity, and myself.

My level of play of Rocket League is atrocious by most standards, and I wasn’t confident I would be able to change that by the time the red lights on the camera flashed brightly and we were on. So instead I decided to spend the weeks leading up to CRL poring over every bit of competitive Rocket League I could find both past and present. While I was not able to play the game at a high level, I made a point to learn its ins and outs from an analytical perspective to the best of my ability.

What I found was awe inspiring.

Leading up to, and along the way during, CRL and RLRS I came to truly appreciate the amount of skill and effort that went into playing Rocket League at the competitive level. Having ascertained what was technically and mechanically required to achieve that made my excitement, enthusiasm, and adoration of plays that made such a thing seem easy organic and authentic. Having known how bad I was made seeing how good the players I’d watch during broadcasts a straightforward and, frankly, humbling process. When you’d see me geeking out over plays it was because I knew the precision that went into them and how I wouldn’t be able to emulate that in a million years.

The thing that became clear to me at the outset of my foray into competitive Rocket League was the sheer amount and quality of passion the community had for this game and its scene. This game was an integral part of people’s lives in a way that is seldom scene in any group, gaming or otherwise. It’s something truly special that makes the Rocket League community stand out, and seeing that firsthand made me all the more committed to giving everything I had in pursuit of being the best host I could be.

I was given the chance to befriend and work with some amazing people. Everyone I was on the desk with and everyone behind the camera were more than accepting and willing to help me learn the proverbial ropes. I felt like I was amongs friends and a part of the team, which is something that is incredibly difficult for someone with my social quirks to accomplish. But they all made it seem easy. That in itself was a heartwarming aspect to my time hosting.

Meeting players like the group at University of Redlands, joking around with sensational “e-gaming athletes” (inside joke) like ExplosiveGyro, having Apex post memes that make me laugh to this day, and seeing the responses to gifs posted on the Rocket League Esports’ Twitter account all made me feel like I was a part of something special. And there is no way to truly express the magnitude of such a thing, how much it means to me, and how thankful I am for that honor.

Rocket League will always be special to me because its competitive scene is one I approached by getting to know the people and the culture first before the game itself. It’s the first time a community’s raw sincerity and passion drew me in and inspired me to also come to love the game instead of my first loving a game, joining its community, and then seeing if I would enjoy getting involved in its competitive scene.

As an outsider that was subsequently brought in and felt like one of the tribe, I can say that the Rocket League community is one of a kind and I absolutely loved every moment hosting CRL and RLRS. I would jump at the opportunity to do so again, but I am humbled and honored for the time I was able to have on the desk.

I gave my heart and soul to being the best host I could be, because the Rocket League community deserved nothing less. What I got back in return is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Thank you.