I finished writing that last blog post and had a real heart to heart with myself; my soul. The universe. A monologue addressing my deepest emotional concerns and troublesome thoughts. My struggle with maintaining a positive outlook. Overall, I felt like I had a lot to get off my chest and even if it was just the chirping birds there to listen, I did just that.
The universe has a way of making you not feel alone though, when you take a moment to look around.
After my monologue, I was still not entirely certain why I was drawn there. When I called on the universe the other day, I got an answer. Did I adequately return the gesture?
I had decided to stay on that bench until I saw the sun begin to rise past the trees at the edge of the park. Light was already starting to drive back the night, yet the half moon was bright as ever, defiant against the inevitable relegation until next nightfall.
Something made me smile, made me happy. Even now it’s hard to really understand, but I just felt so invigorated, alive. I was sitting there, alone on a park table, rocking out to random Nirvana songs and mashups that had been in my head all day. And I didn’t give a single fuck who may or may not have seen. I probably looked like a jackass, but I just didn’t care.
I was there, tackling my emotional turmoil, and coming out victorious. And damn if that didn’t feel good. It was worth celebrating.
The sun had yet to rise, though.
One of the topics I had talked with myself about was my ability to lock my mind onto something and pursue it with unwavering tenacity. It’s been a great strength of mine and a crippling weakness. When I want something, I just want to get to the end. As efficiently as possible. Can you guess why I enjoy programming so much now?
And I felt that pang of impatience waiting for the sun to rise. I’m sitting there, looking at this beautiful progression of events, beginning to feel agitated that the sun didn’t just spring up like a jack-in-the-box so I could head home and get some rest.
And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
In the book I’ve been reading, the word epiphany is roughly described as a realization about something largely you already knew or understood. I know that Rome was not built in a day. I know that the journey is often more important than the destination, and yet here I was looking at one of nature’s miracles through this narrow-minded lens.
It felt like the universe jacked me up by the collar and said, “Albert! What the friggin’ Hell. Do you not SEE how beautiful this is right now? Just enjoy it. The sun is going to rise in due time. Why sit there and fret over it? You’re missing out on what’s going on right in front of your damn face. Right now. So sit there, shut up, and smile you jackass.”
Well, maybe the universe wasn’t that abrasive, but it sure as Hell was impassioned in its expression. And I listened.
The world kinda faded away, and I just… Enjoyed the moment. I felt so many parallels to different things in my life that I traditionally rush and ultimately push away. Sunrises I try to rush.
The sun started to rise, on its own time, in all its glory, and I checked my phone to see when the official sunrise was supposed to happen. It was 5:46 AM at the time, so why would the odds be that in Alexandria, VA the sun was set to rise at 5:47 AM?
It was like the universe said, “That’s why I brought you here. For that message. Don’t rush the sunrise. Now you can go home. Get some rest, and look at tomorrow differently. Even if it’s difficult. Just… Trust that it’ll fall into place. When it’s supposed to.”
I don’t know how well I am or am not explaining any of this. If anyone will read this, or if this will resonate with anyone. But it’s resonated with me, for sure.
That’s a sunrise I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
