The computer game Heroes of the Storm has changed my life.

That seems like a loaded statement, and even reading it back just now as I type makes me feel at least a little silly. And yet, in a lot of ways it’s a true statement.

In the name of specificity, I’d make it clear that the game itself has not changed my life. It’s more the social dynamic within it has offered context and wisdom to me that I’ve had samplings of in the past but haven’t really gotten a full helping of until recently.

Starting and leading a Heroes of the Storm team has proven to be one of the most challenging things I’ve ever tackled. As someone that struggles with analyzing things too much, finding fault in their own actions, coping with self doubt, and feeling socially incompatible, the act of team leadership is pretty much a greatest hits of my greatest fears.

Amplified on top of that was the objective truth that out of everyone on the original roster of this team I was probably the least experienced. It was a trial by fire that molded me in ways I had not expected.

I learned about the concept of potential. I always appreciated and respected the idea that people on the team could see past my inexperience and see the potential of a solid leader and shotcaller, even in times where I just flat out didn’t. Nearly every call I made and step I took had a ping of self-doubt and consternation. Would this be the moment people lose faith in me? When I’d lose faith in myself? Every practice and every match brought on its own unique measure of panic and anxiety. A younger me likely would have buckled under the pressure, said it was too much, and bailed.

But I refused to do that. The people on this team were my friends. They were people who I looked up to as players. If they could see potential in me, I sure as Hell was not about to let them down, so I put myself out there knowing full well that my imperfections would be on display. The perfectionist in me abhors being in that position, but I needed to prove to myself that I could do the job.

And while I have been far from perfect, I do think that I’ve managed to find confidence in my ability to be a captain and shotcaller. That’s an experience that I can take with me and apply to pretty much every other endeavor I put before myself. Life changing stuff.

Being a part of a team gave me insight to what I think a marriage would feel like. You spend enough time with a person or group of people and you start to really know them. You learn subtle shifts in their voices, otherwise imperceptible tells that speak volumes about someone’s emotional state. They make you laugh. They aggravate the Hell out of you. They get on your nerves. You are proud of their growth. You are committed to supporting them. You are thankful for the support they return to you. You begin to see a bigger picture.

You see people as human beings capable of making mistakes, being imperfect, and caring about them anyway. You see the potential in them to look past those rougher patches, and you are committed enough to work through tough situations.

The time and commitment put into the relationship have yielded results that overshadow any temporary emotional feeling from an argument or disagreement. There’s a wall of sorts that gets formed around the relationship where sometimes you bounce around in there pretty hard, but the walls you’ve all built together are strong enough to withstand it, and only end up becoming more resilient going forward. It’s hard to put a price on stuff like that.

This has been one of the first times I’ve really seen that kind of thing come to pass, and having just the glimpse I’ve managed has had a profound impact on me and the way I look at connections with people.

I think it’s helped me to not take things so personally, and I think it’s helped me to forgive myself for my mistakes; two things I’ve historically had a lot of trouble with.

Heroes of the Storm also inspired me to try my hand at casting, something I never thought in a million years I would do or even enjoy. I remember first getting into the game, watching Khaldor’s videos on YouTube or logging into this thing I never heard of called Twitch to watch some of these professional teams play. I was fascinated by the strategy and analysis. There was such personality to it all. I wanted to wade into that world.

At least the playing part. I was hesitant to reach out to Superjova to see if he needed another caster. Who was I? I had no experience casting before. I knew the game well enough, but I’m not the most outgoing person or socially expressive. I can be on occasion, but it’s generally not who I am or have become in my adult years. I don’t like putting myself out there. No one likes feeling rejected, I don’t think. I certainly don’t.

I’m glad I e-mailed him, though. I was nervous as all get-out for my first time casting. I for sure knew I did a horrible job and that I wouldn’t get another opportunity to cast again, and yet the next week another e-mail came in to cast. And then another.

Imagine my surprise when I actually started receiving compliments on my casting. It was crazy to me. I had no instruction manual. No training. No experience. I was just being me. And that can be a hard thing to convey on the internet to relative strangers. People could laugh at me for a whole multitude of reasons, but instead the response from the community has been amazing.

It’s made me privy to the notion that there are people in the world who may just genuinely like me for who I am, flaws and all. The kind of friendship, warmth, and acceptance people in the community have given me really brings a tear to my eye when I sit here and think about it.

When someone thanks me for casting, or tells me they’re looking forward to me casting more, or anything along those lines I’m so thankful. It’s very humbling. Casting is not like a job, where I just complete a set of tasks and that’s it. You can be thanked for that but there’s a certain disconnect involved. When someone says, ‘Hey. I like what you’re doing. I like your personality and what unique qualities you have that you’re putting out there’ it has a much more resonating effect.

It’s hard to explain. All of it is, really. I just know that I am a more mature and ‘aware’ person than I was when I started playing Heroes of the Storm. A better person, I’d say.

So, yeah. Heroes of the Storm has changed my life.