{"id":79,"date":"2016-07-07T22:47:24","date_gmt":"2016-07-08T03:47:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ah3web.com\/blog\/?p=79"},"modified":"2016-07-07T22:47:24","modified_gmt":"2016-07-08T03:47:24","slug":"out-under-the-stars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ah3web.com\/blog\/2016\/07\/07\/out-under-the-stars\/","title":{"rendered":"Out Under The Stars"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>The Veil\u00a0Nebula is something that, along with a seemingly unending parade of other things, has come to my mind lately. It\u2019s an absolutely breathtaking display of what\u2019s possible in the universe; the result of a supernova explosion that released\u00a0\u00a0untold amounts of energy into the universe, as far back as possibly 6,000 BC.\n

It\u2019s a mesmerizing construct of ionized oxygen, hydrogen, and sulfur. It\u2019s just out there, larger than our minds can really piece together or understanding, some 1,400 light years away.<\/p>\n

I have a picture of it as my wallpaper.<\/p>\n

$\"veil\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a range of pictures of the Veil Nebula, taken through different lens and\u00a0methods but this one has always stuck out to me. Maybe it\u2019s because it\u2019s kinda orange-ish.<\/p>\n

But tonight I was winding down after my podcast. This generally involves some jazz music, lowered lights, and some time piecing together my thoughts.<\/p>\n

I ventured back towards perception. The other day, someone told me that they would have never guessed I was an introverted person. They\u2019ve only ever seen me in this lively, social context where I legitimately am extroverted so it was\u00a0an understandable shock to learn exactly how introspective I am and can be. On the other end of the spectrum, I\u2019ve almost always been told that I\u2019m too much of a hermit. That I close myself off. That I need to get out of my own head and my own way.<\/p>\n

I kicked my feet up on my coffee table and had a sip of whiskey to Miles Davis while I thought on this. By the way, sipping whiskey is a first for me and it officially makes me feel like an old man and an old soul. I should have done it sooner. You gain such a better understanding of a drink\u2019s flavor when you choose quality over quantity sometimes.<\/p>\n

But anyway.<\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve written here, I do struggle with introversion. It\u2019s easy for me to get lost in my own thoughts, and to separate myself. While I could stand to have some moderation on that front in some instances, being that deep thinker makes me who I am. And in spite of my gaffs and missteps, I\u2019m growing to really like myself. Love myself, even.<\/p>\n

I think I\u2019ve started to game the system as far as this whole introspective thing goes. When I take one on the chin figuratively, it probably hits me harder than most people. I sit and think about it a while; a good while. But when I finally emerge from the depths, I feel so much better and knowledgeable. To the point where the last couple of times I\u2019ve even started to feel excited in those moments because I knew I\u2019d ultimately come out of it a better person.<\/p>\n

And I wouldn\u2019t have that without my introspection. Really refining this\u00a0way of thinking is how I feel I get to a place of possessing unshakable confidence in myself. And that\u2019s not something I\u2019ve ever really had.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m okay with having quirks, with being unusual, and with not being everyone\u2019s cup of tea.\u00a0And I haven\u2019t always been, but the more I am the happier about\u00a0myself I feel. I guess I just hit a realization of wondering why the Hell I\u2019ve ever looked at my quirks as things that were \u2018wrong\u2019 and needed to be worked on. I don\u2019t need or want to become someone else for anyone\u2019s approval, particularly my own. The whole Independence thing at play.<\/p>\n

But\u00a0damn is it freeing to embrace who you are and what you like about yourself. I suppose the\u00a0grand irony or practical joke is that once I\u2019m able to hone and master that sense of self confidence and adoration the more outgoing and extroverted I will end up being. Which has been a quagmire I\u2019ve been trying to \u2018solve\u2019 for most of my adult life.<\/p>\n

But maybe it doesn\u2019t need solving. Maybe it never has. I am not like many people. At all. And that\u2019s something to celebrate, if you ask me.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019ll continue being that weirdo, thanks. That suits me just fine.<\/p>\n

But yeah. Veil Nebula. Miles Davis. Whiskey. Confidence. Weirdo.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure there will be valleys ahead. This is far from some happy ending. I think the happiest days of my life are ahead of me, but there will be plenty of dark ones too. But this moment is why I write this blog, so I can look back and see the catalog of my thoughts through the rise and fall that is my introspection. To enjoy the highs, understand the lows, and chart the progress of someone I\u2019m growing to like more and more each day.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s pretty flippin\u2019 cool.<\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"